Depression – advice for people around us – an overview

Mental Health
Written By Torie Robinson
 

Depression – advice for people around us – an overview

Time and again, week after week, I hear of comments such as “You have no reason to be depressed”, or “You should count yourself lucky, look at the starving children out there.”. Now, this is nuts and a clear expression of ignorance.

Sometimes people presume: “She’s typed this piece, she is fine!”. Do you know that many people with mental illnesses can appear fine one moment and quite the opposite the next?

I once had a friend (when I was very, very unwell) say to me: “Torie, I don’t get it. I really don’t understand. But I am here for you.”. I smiled, then actually giggled, I hugged her and said, “Thank you so, so much”. Because we would far, far rather a person be honest of their lack of understanding, and despite this support us and show us true care and even love. This requires modesty, and open-mindedness.

Depression can be a complex illness and can be caused by an infinite number of things. Genetics and epigenetics can be a factor1, as can the environment in which we live, changes in life, other illnesses, drugs and alcohol, and the experiences that we have and have had2.

Depression often comes hand in hand with other mental illnesses such as anxiety3, bipolar4, emotional disorder5 (or BPD), schizophrenia6, eating disorders7, OCD8, and suchlike.

Depression can lead to psychosis9, it can lead to self-harm10, to self-isolation11, and lack of self-care12. It also may not lead to any of these things. Depression is closely linked to some physical illnesses such as disorders of the back and spine, hypertension and metabolic disorders13.

Depression is very closely linked to epilepsy, MS, sleep disorders, migraine and more13.

Sometimes we just do not know what has caused it. We must all be open-minded, ask people how they are, and care about the answer.

Mental health issues can be exhausting – both mentally and physically. Those of us well trained in “putting on a smile” can appear happy and energetic, even when we are having thoughts that would worry you. I used to go home after work as late as possible so that I didn’t have to be on my own, alone with my thoughts. Being on my own scared me. It was dangerous. I didn’t know what I would do.

Don’t say that clinical depression is voluntary, self-induced, our choice, just down to diet or exercise, just because we don’t have a job, just because… whatever. Don’t ask someone not to “do this again” or “think of how you’re upsetting/bringing shame on the family”, Comments such as this instantly remind me of the Dunning-Kruger Effect14. It’s laughable…in a dark way… It can lead us to roll our eyes, crumble, and lead us down an even darker path of illness…

Funny (or not funny?!) experiences:

When I was in a psych hospital, I found out that my nickname amongst staff was “The Secretary” (hey, it could certainly be worse!). Many times (and indeed this has happened when visiting friends too) I was asked for directions from visitors again and again because they thought I was a doctor or nurse. At one point I got so fed up that I ordered two t-shirts saying: “I am a patient!”!

Please, be a nice person

Anyway, my point is, that you don’t, and you won’t know how someone really is, until you ask them and until they are ready to or feel comfortable enough to share their feelings with you. You must show empathy and not judge. You mustn’t look scared – we don’t want to make you more scared! Don’t come right at us suggesting the latest “cures” or treatments found on the back sheet of a dodgy newspaper or magazine. Sometimes you can remind us of what professional help is out there and how you can help us access it – often we’ll forget what’s out there (have poor memory)15 or not consider ourselves worthy of treatment when we’re unwell.

If we are so unwell that we need medical attention right there and then, then of course; call an ambulance or take us to hospital (hey, I called a local NHS mental health helpline to inform them of the dangerous behaviour of someone I knew – she was going to get herself arrested (at least) if she didn’t get professional help. She was hospitalised. It wasn’t fun for her. Afterwards, though, she was very grateful.).

If you don’t know what to do, ask someone else you trust. Always respect us. Remember, that this could happen to you at any time. Unfortunately, no one is invincible.

Thank you for reading this. Please share with anyone you know who can spare 2 minutes to save or better another person’s life. 😉

Torie Robinson

Keynote Speaker, Epilepsy Sparks CEO, Editor, Writer, et al.

PS Here are some links to mental health organisations, for more information (in addition to the links in the references - see button below): epilepsysparks.com/mental-health

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